How to Return Home.

I really had been looking forward to coming home...til I actually got into the doorway.

To be perfectly honest, I wish I could drive back to nku, tonight. It's only been 3 days and I just cant even put into words how it feels to be back. So...today's entry isnt filled with 'yays' or smilyfaces, which i feel is fine considering usually i only write about things to yay about. I did find a song by my favorite composers Kait Kerrigan and Brian Lowdermilk called "how to return home" from their musical "the bad years", here's the lyrics:

Your bare feet sliding on the old wooden floorboards,
Home at last and silent but still you’re shaken,
like walking into a museum, somehow out of time.
It’s all the same except the girl in the hallway,
Where she’s been and who she will ripen into,
Your childhood’s on the other side of a gulf to damn wide to climb.

Take silent breath.
Hold in the change.
Tell yourself you still live here.
It’s the only way
you’ll get through this holiday.
Count the hours.
Hit the showers.
Wash yourself away.

The house is pulsing in an alien language,
Why or where it came from, you couldn’t fathom.
But somewhere deep within you answers the girl you were then… again.
Take a silent breath.
Hold in the change.
Tell yourself you still live here.
Take your bags upstairs.
It’s the only way you’ll get through this holiday.
Never mention all the tension.
It’s the price you pay.

How to return home,
and how to survive,
a practical guidebook.
How to go back,
How to walk in and unpack.
How to grow up.
Simply show up.

How to take a breath.
How you take a breath.
Hold in the change.
Tell yourself you still live here.
How you go upstairs.
Show that you’re okay
this thanks-giving holiday.
Do your best here.
You’re a guest here.
Close your eyes and pray.

How to return home.
How to return home.
How to return home.

Your bare feet sliding on the old wooden floorboards,
home at last and quiet but still you’re shaken.


there's a video of laura osnes singing this, it's amazing: ok, my internet is being stupid, but if you're really curious, go on youtube.com and search laura osnes and how to return home.

-meg